you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
