My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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