i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
