There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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