he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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