Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
