i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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