We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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