I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
