absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
