I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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