My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Enjoy the penises
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
