Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
