I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
