I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
