ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just tell him i said nine months
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
