Non-Jews are for practice
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
