so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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