My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
