3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
