By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
