I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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