I heard we made out
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
