You can't motorboat a personality
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
