Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
