New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
