dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
