just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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