you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
