Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
