i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
