yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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