So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
