ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
