When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
