I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Send help, water and tortillas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
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