"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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