Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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