Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
