i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
