Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
