she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
