why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
