yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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