Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
