I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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