I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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