i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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