He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
