why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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