Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
