when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
