hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
